Depth and height

I am not writing about the war in Ukraine since the latter is only a secondary element. I am writing about my ultimate desire which i have had for many years - to fall out from the terror of this modern era - this i wanted already long time ago but i was also very worried, i could not imagine how i will survive without the comfort and the safety feeling which this modern society is giving us continuously and due to this type of worries i was not brave enough to let my links to this "developed" world go. And i am still worried just at a certain point i became so much fed up with the monkey style behavior it requires that finally i am shitting on my fears. I do not feel that i will be able to live long witout this spoiling modernisme but i don't mind this loss any more - better to live short in an honest way than to live long but being corrupted. I choose quality instead of quantity, i choose depth and height instead of length on a horizontal scale. Probably i will die soon but the time left until then i would like to spend in a way which is worthy of a human being. Finally the war was the decsive trigger in my case but many other things could have played the same role. I am now falling and i don't know where i will land (if this falling will ever finish) but at least this is a real sensation and not just a fake piece of news from the internet. I am now falling what is a bit frightening but i am not going to be a terrorist first of all a killer of my own soul any more and this is already some result...