Привіт Тетяна!
Sorry, i have to explain my behaviour to you - i try to be the shortest possible. I feel a very strong aversion in connection with this European style of living which we all follow here and which was my life style also for more than 59 years. And it would be my life style fully still if this war of Russia - seemingly against Ukraine but everybody knows it is actually against the whole western world - were not come. And i must also admit that this disgust is not new - i had it as early as at the beginning of my adulthood at least. It's a good question in this case why i lived the past 35 years almost entirely under its umbrella and for that there is only one very sad answer - i was not brave enough to get aware of this hell, i was not brave enough to differenciate myself from this very comfortable but fully perspectiveless easy-busy, i was not brave enough to undertake all the conflicts and all the desert where a conscious decision to let it go would have led me surely. I was a worm. Perhaps i am not fully like that any more but i am still very close to that low level of personal developement - i know that i will have to prove my commitment in several painful situations to be entitled for an essentially more honourable name.
If i died today one could only put on my tomb the following:
Here lays a common guy from the upper middle class of a fascist waisting Earth killer society who has not done anything special during his whole life time, futhermore he was unable to tell his children that they could do many things but surely must not copy their father's irresponsable conduct.
Luckily i still live so i might have a chance to avoid this ultimate shame at least. How exactly? Let me put down to you what i think about this. It would be the most easy to go to Ukraine and to die there for Ukrainian people and yes this very evident idea came to me fast after the the outburst of the war. However it would be a huge grace which i might never become worthy of. But i must do something even if my destiny does not select me for a mission like that - probably a much more difficult thing. This much more difficult thing is to realize how much my inner being is different from the outer person the society made of me and then to practice a the continuous, conscious and obedient attention to the first, to practice the inner focus - to be sensitive, to listen to the most intimate intuitions of my soul, to be with him who i am in my innermost dephts and to do what this innermost being is asking me for. Because in a good personal relation with this inner divine self exit ways from this corrupted European bubble might appear. When i talk to my friends about this they always say me to stay on the ground of the realities but for me the reality is that we have to liberate, activate never experienced spiritual energies in ourselves if we want that someones survive this on-going global decline. They say to me that i am simply pursuing phantasies but i know that some people during the history of mankind have managed to leave the shell in which he was born - look at Jesus for example - if he was able why would not i be able - me too? In which respects my capacities are lower than his talents were? This is more demanding than to play the very spectaculalar and scenic drama by taking the first train to Kiev and get killed by a random drone there after the first two days but probably a better and a more valuable solution still. (Nevertheless if a Ukrainian mission doesn't come from a superficial fake heroism if it is really the inner voice the inner evolution who sends me to Ukraine - and i still belive that you might be one day the herald of a mission like that - the trip will be blessed and my trial will be a precious one.)
I really don't know what is to come, i even don't know what i would prefer. This modernism is ruining the planet and mentally poison all people so deep that words cannot describe the threat and at an accelerating pace - i am not sure i want that it last long. I know that its end will be very painful, probably a big majority of us will die but if we prepare our children well enough, some of them might be able to survive that big cataclysme and to build up something completly different, something completely new after it. I will try to tell this to my children though they are very much barricading themselves against hard things like this - the same efficiently as i also barricaded myself for so long time against my own hard challenges.
Anyhow, if you feel anything in connection with me, what i should do please tell me immedaitely. Please keep your eyes on me since i still think that you have a much more mature personality than me and for this reason i bow in front of you. One of the biggest miracle in my life is that i met you - Dear Little Angel, help me out of this pit whenever an impulse is coming into your homeland loving, freedom loving sweetest, most beautiful, most flowery Ukrainian soul to do so!
Мирного неба над головою!
